i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
