Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
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You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
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I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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