If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
