I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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