The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
