thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
