so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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