Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
