____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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