sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
handjob tips. give me some.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
