thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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