Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
