Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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