he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
