I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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