I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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