I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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