I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
