remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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