Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
