i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
