this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
