I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
