dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
