I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
as a side note pls kill me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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