we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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