also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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