I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
