I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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