Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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