it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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