P.S. I can't hear my feet
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
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