walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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