did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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