dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Someone came in the potted fern
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
