I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
