TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
