I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
