If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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