I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
