This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
