Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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