You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
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I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize