I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
