i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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