do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
