Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
