I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
