So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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