protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
