I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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