are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
