The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
