We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
