i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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