I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
