I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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