Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
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He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
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I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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