K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
