hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
