wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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