So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
