is your mom at the bar?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
