ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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