She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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