i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
